Humor Me

Not Cut Out to Be a Fugitive

Written by Will Friday, 24 April 2009 00:00

By Ronald P. Culberson
Observer Humor Correspondent

I was off to Vancouver. I arrived at the airport excited about the opportunity to see Canadian bacon in its natural habitat. I handed my passport to the ticket agent and she said, "Your passport has expired."

I looked at her as only someone who was blinded by his own self confidence and lack of insight would, and replied, "Oh, no it's not."

What's So Special About Celebrities?

Written by Will Friday, 20 March 2009 00:00

By Ron Culberson
Humor Correspondent

Most of us love celebrity encounters. I can hardly walk in public without fans of the column hounding me for autographs, photos, and articles of clothing. OK, not really articles of clothing. Or autographs. And no photos that I'm aware of. But, my point is this: We are inappropriately captivated by celebrity-ism.

I was attending a conference for professional speakers (lots of talking, not so much listening) in Orlando, Fla. We'd just returned from dinner and I noticed security guards scurrying around the hotel. They weren't the dark-suit-and-tie-trying-to-blend-in-but-can't Secret Service but were guys wearing black t-shirts, black pants, and Barney Fife egos.

Motivation in a Time of De-Motivation

Written by Will Friday, 30 January 2009 00:00

I've been called a motivational speaker. However, in my business, we don't like that phrase. It implies that we jump around in front of audiences, spout inspirational cliches, pump everyone up, and then bound off the stage and not follow any of our own advice. That's why, instead of motivational speaker, I prefer "life changing master of human potential." Or not.

But now more than ever, our country needs a motivator. All we hear from the experts is that 2009 promises more doom and gloom. What we need is a good dose of positivity to change the course of this downward spiral. But our leaders are not always good at providing motivation to change. President Bush isn't a good motivator because he can't say nuclear. How can we be inspired by someone who can't even change the way he pronounces a word? Barack Obama appears to be good at it. He got off to a good start with the phrase, "Change we can believe in." By the way, I could definitely believe in some spare change from my investments this year.

Understanding the Holiday 'Yech' Factor

Written by Will Friday, 19 December 2008 00:00

By Ronald P. Culberson
Observer Humor Correspondent

My cable went out again. It's the seventeenth time this year. I won't mention the name of the cable company but it rhymes with "box." While waiting for my system to reboot, the technician said, "So, are you ready for Christmas?" Seeing that it was only December 2nd and I am not typically ready for Christmas until around December 24th, I said, "Not really."

She said, "Yeah, Christmas was fun when we were kids, but now yech."

Where Are We and How Did We Get Here?

Written by Will Friday, 28 November 2008 00:00

At any given time, I usually know who I am, where I am and approximately what day it is. In mental health, it's called oriented to person, place and time. However, I have an even better handle on where I am, now that I have a GPS (Global Positioning Something) in my car.

GPS is a satellite directional system that literally tells you where you are and how to get somewhere else. My GPS is equipped with the voice of a sexy female named Candy who breathlessly advises, "Take the next right," "Left turn approaching," or "Go back you stupid idiot, you missed that last turn."
I love a strong woman.