Observer Online | Humor Me: Welcome to My World

Edition of July 16, 2004

Welcome to My World

Welcome to the inaugural edition of "Humor Me." A synonym for inaugural is "first." I will operate under the assumption that there will be subsequent editions of this column. However, if it is so poorly received right out of the gate, then this may be the "outgaural" edition.

I had a tough time deciding how to start this column. First I considered just jumping right in as if the column had been running for months and you just happened to come across it. That seemed too random for someone as anal retentive as me (that's a psychological term for someone who is rigid and controlling). I needed more of a logical entrée into this adventure.

Then I thought I should give you some information about me. I do have a fairly interesting background but I've been known to drone on about myself well beyond the space allotted for this column. Besides, why would you care about my varied experiences as a cemetery caretaker, a steam roller driver or a therapist?

Next, I considered explaining the "mission" of this column. That way, if I get off track, you will have the background you need to remember what we were supposed to be doing. But since I don't really know what my mission is, I had a hard time even faking it.

Finally, I decided it is much easier to tell you what this column isn't and then show you an example of what it is. So, here are the things you will not find in my column.

Politics. Political discussions irritate everyone. The left irritates the right and the Republicans irritate the Democrats. I have very thin skin. I would never delve into a discussion of politics because I don't want people angry with me. Besides, I'm liberally conservative so there's a good chance I would irritate everyone. The only time I will mention politics is when someone in politics does something funny. Ronald Reagan's response to a question about his meeting with Desmond Tutu being "so-so" is darn funny, so I may point something like that out on occasion.

Sports. I will not be commenting on the local or national sports in this column unless I have the distinct privilege of attending a big sporting event and something funny happens. Like the time I wore a Cowboys hat to a Redskins game and somebody threw a beer can at me. Stitches or not, that was pretty funny.

Crime. I'm not sure if foul play is a carbohydrate but since I'm on a modified Atkins plan, I will not be taking a bite out of crime. Everywhere you look there is something bad happening. My son even stole a base at his baseball game (sorry). You don't need me to point out one more bad thing for you to worry about. Unless something funny happens. If a man robs a convenience store in the nude, like I heard on Paul Harvey, I may mention it. Apparently, that gent had been recognized by his clothes in his previous robbery attempts so he revised his "procedures." Ingenious.

Business. This column is not about business. I won't be giving you reports on which stocks to sell, what company hired a new CEO or who the latest member of the Lack of Ethics Club is. However, I may use this column to recognize someone in the business community for doing something funny. For instance, a pizza company in Colorado gave away a free pizza to everyone who brought in the page from the phone book with their competitor's ad on it. Now that's funny!

Bottom line, this column is about showing you those moments in life when a ha-ha leads to an ah-ha. Though there are lots of things this column isn't, it is probably best to describe what it is by just showing you.

Oops. I'm out of space.

Until next time, just Humor Me.

Ronald P. Culberson is a speaker, humorist and author of "Is Your Glass Laugh Full?" A Herndon resident, he speaks nationwide about using humor to relive stress and increase effectiveness.