| Does One Bad Turn Deserve Another? |
| At a recent party, I was engaged in mandatory chit-chat
with a friend of a friend of a friend. I only knew a couple
of people so I was forced to carry on a conversation about
not much of anything with someone I didn't even know. We went
through the usual commiseration about the biblical amount
of rain that had fallen, the disgusting worms that someone
ate on reality TV, and we were just about to discuss the latest
celebrity trial. |
| Then, our conversation merged into the topic of transportation.
I'm sure we were belaboring the lengths of our commutes or
the obscene price of gas. I took advantage of this new conversational
traffic pattern to move in a more positive direction. I declared
to my new friend that I have a motorcycle and that I really
enjoy getting away from the traffic by riding my bike on the
beautiful rural roads in western Virginia. I gave a pleasant
smile as if to convey the nirvana of two-wheeling in the country. |
| My new chit-chat partner said, "Oh you have a motorcycle?
A friend of mine lost an elbow, five toenails and part of
his left earlobe on a motorcycle." |
| My smile faded rather abruptly. |
| I was amazed that she would say something like that especially
since we had just met. I wondered to myself if she would do
the same thing to someone who was overweight. Do you think
she would say, "I had a cousin who was fat. He exploded." |
| What's crazy is this is not the first time this has happened.
People seem compelled to tell me about a friend or relative
who lost a limb, a major organ, or even died in a motorcycle
accident. I figured I couldn't be the only person to have
experienced this so I started paying attention to other conversational
patterns. This is what I discovered: We love to out-tragedy
one another. It's like an addiction. |
| For instance, if an acquaintance has the flu, we're liable
to tell him about the time we were in bed with a cold for
six years. Or if a friend has a fender bender, we explain
how we barely escaped a 43-car pileup that totaled our SUV.
And if a relative from Arizona mentions the temperature, we
are required by law to tell her how lucky she is that it's
a dry heat. Of course we all know that it's not the heat,
it's…well, you know. |
| We routinely exaggerate details to make our experiences
more dramatic. In reality, the cold lasted two weeks and the
car accident only involved us, one other car and a very unlucky
turtle. And heat is heat is heat for gosh sakes. |
| Are our lives so uneventful that we have to tragedize things
to get attention? I think we need to battle this addiction
and I've got an idea as to how to turn this whole thing around.
Instead of over-tragidizing, we must over-simplify. The road
to recovery requires the use of three simple words. They are
"Wow", "Really?" and "Unbelievable". |
| Here's how it works. Let's say your sister tells you that
her youngest child used spray paint to decorate the new leather
couch. Rather than telling her how your house burned down
a few years ago, simply say, "Wow." If a friend tells you
that his pet hermit crab ran away, instead of explaining how
your 14-year-old blind, crippled dog died three weeks earlier,
simply say, "Really?" And if a colleague tells you that she
just spent $2000 on a losing PowerBall ticket, say, "Unbelievable."
Not only will this technique put an end to your own tragedizing,
your friends and family will find it less satisfying to tragedize
to you as well. |
| Can you imagine the effect if everyone battled their tragedy
addiction this way? Heck, we might be able to solve the problems
in the Middle East and at the very least eliminate domestic
problems such as Martha Stewart's appeal. The possibilities
are endless. |
| By the way, when the woman at the party told me that her
friend had lost body parts in a motorcycle accident, I responded,
"What a coincidence. The last person I met at a party spontaneously
combusted." Obviously, I still have recovery work to do. |
| Until next time, just Humor Me. |
