| Holiday
'Stuff'ing |
| Guns 'n Roses' "Welcome to the Jungle" was blaring on the
radio as we sat in the backed-up traffic the day before Thanksgiving.
I looked in the cars around me. The people were wedged in
their cars with frowns on their faces and heads bent forward
because of the luggage creeping over the seats. |
| Some had minivans, some had SUVs and some were stuffed into
small compacts that were not much bigger than my wallet. And
we were all doing the same thing, getting away from the hectic-ness
of our lives for a little Thanksgiving holiday. Welcome to
the jungle. |
| As we idled on Interstate 95 on the way to Williamsburg,
I looked in the rearview mirror and contemplated all the stuff
we had brought on this little holiday excursion. |
| Up front, we had a mandatory cell phone so we could call
our family to complain about the traffic and let them know
when we would arrive (which is always later than expected
due to the traffic). |
| We had one pair of very cool sunglasses, mints to mask our
car breath before we kissed the relatives, 24 music CDs for
the times when we only got country and Lawrence Welk on local
radio stations, $87 in loose change, maps of Northern Virginia,
Maryland, North Carolina, the Eastern United States and parts
of Canada and one pair of very outdated sunglasses. |
| We had two Starbucks' lattes plus two loaves of bread and
a tray of brownies placed on the floor under my wife's feet
so no one would "smush them." Stuffed in the barely closable
glove box were 40 extra napkins, more mints, pens, paper,
a knife tool with 27 active parts and all of my "documentation"
in case I got a visit from Mr. State Trooper. |
| In the back seats were my two kids. According to the last
visit by Social Services, we were now "mandated" to take them
with us. Apparently, you're not allowed to leave children
at a rest area just because they keep asking, "Are we there
yet?" |
| Each kid came equipped with a pillow, hand-held electronic
toys, homework they didn't do (yet brought with them as a
requirement by their overachieving mother) and 5 to 6 half-finished
drinks which they would spill before, during and after the
trip. There were more maps covering Europe and Central Asia
and under the seat were jumper cables, an umbrella and a piece
of aqua-colored food that no one could identify. |
| And to think that we no longer "Go Greyhound" because the
buses are smelly and too crowded. |
| The back seat also contained our ferocious toy poodle Harley.
We could have put Harley in the Deluxe Canine Bed and Breakfast
(i.e. kennel) but my in-laws don't particularly mind her licking
their furniture and chewing up toilet paper. |
| Of course that meant we had to bring dog food, a dog dish,
a water bowl and a disassembled, impossible to reassemble,
metal dog cage that rattled the entire trip no matter where
or how I packed it. |
| The suitcases took up most of the cargo area of our SUV.
I admit that I'm not the best packer. I always pack way too
much stuff just in case I spill spaghetti sauce on myself,
fall into a raging river or need an extra pair of clean underwear
for a trip to the hospital. You never know what might happen. |
| But we had even more stuff like golf clubs, tennis rackets,
rope to tie anything that might escape, a laptop computer
(so I could write this column), a PlayStation 2 with 37 video
games, and four sleeping bags that have never rolled back
as small as the box they came in. |
| There was also a mandatory camera my wife insists we bring
even though we haven't used it in a year and the batteries
no longer recharge. Of course, since all we seem to do at
Thanksgiving is eat too much and fall asleep in front of the
TV, I couldn't imagine there would be too many "Kodak Moments"
anyway. |
| The car tipped the scales at just under 17,000 pounds. It
was a miracle the engine survived the trip. I couldn't help
wondering what stuff was left in our house. And do you know
what my wife and daughter did the day after Thankgiving? They
hit the sales and bought more stuff! |
| On Sunday, we got home and started unloading everything.
It was 45 minutes before we realized we had left my son in
Williamsburg. |
| Until next time, just humor me. |
